Broken Law and Order SVU
by OliviaBensler
Summary: What happens when Olivia is raped? Will Elliot be there for her? Will they find the rapist? EO
1. Chapter 1

Olivia p.o.v.

 _No! No! Get off me! Get off me! No...please._ I open my eyes. Okay, take a deep breath, it was just a dream.

I get out of bed and walk towards the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't see me anymore, I see a damaged woman. I let myself sink to the ground. I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks.

It's been 4 days since it happened. I was just walking home from work and all of the sudden someone grabbed me. He pulled me into an alley and he raped me. Yes, I know, I'm trained to defend myself, I'm a goddamn detective, but I couldn't do anything. After he was done I just went to my apartment. The next day I called Cragen to tell him I was sick. That's what I said to everyone, I'm sick. Elliot has tried to call me a couple of times but I didn't answer, afraid I would break down the second I heard his voice. I get up and look in the mirror once again. I still have bruises all over my body. I turn around and go back to bed.

The next morning I just go and sit on my couch, just staring at the wall. I don't want to do this anymore. I will never be the same again. I decide to go to the precinct and say goodbye to everyone, I know they'll try to stop me but they won't be able to stop me. I've made my decision. I grab my gun and put my coat on. The whole way to the precinct I keep thinking about what I'm going to say. Olivia Benson, the woman who everyone thought was strong is going to end her own life.

Before I know it I'm standing in front of the precinct. I take a deep breath and then I walk in. I already feel tears coming up. I walk trough the doors and I immediately see everyone standing there. My heart starts beating harder and I think to myself that it would be a lot easier to just turn around and don't say anything. Just as I'm about to turn around I hear captains voice.

"Olivia."

Everyone looks at me. I know they're all looking at my bruises.

"I...I need to talk to you." I say.

I see the concern in everyone's eyes, especially in Elliot's.

"To me?" Cragen asks.

"To all of you."

Everyone still just looks at me.

"What's going on Liv?" Elliot starts walking over to me. "Who did this to you?" He asks referring to the bruises. He tries to grab my hand but I back away.

"Don't touch me!" The tears are now streaming down my face. I see Elliot has tears in his eyes now to. Cragen, Munch and Fin are coming closer now too.

"Olivia, what happened?" Cragen asks me.

"I..I..he...he raped me." I say as I fall to the ground. Almost immediately Elliot drops next to me on the floor and raises my head.

"Who... Who raped you. I'll kill him personally."

"I..I don't know."

"Elliot, take her to my office." Cragen tells Elliot. Immediately I get up.

"No, I.. I'm leaving. I just came to say goodbye."

"Where are you going?" Munch asks. I don't respond. I just hug Elliot.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper in his ear.

Then I turn around to run out of the precinct. I know they are coming after me so I have to be quick. As quick as I can I run to the nearest river. I put the gun to my head. This is it then. I turn around only to see Elliot and Fin running towards me.

"Don't come any closer, I'll pull the trigger." Elliot starts walking. Fin stays a bit behind.

"Liv, don't do this to me."

"I don't want you to see this Elliot."

"I can help you, we'll get trough it together." I start to cry even harder.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

Then all of the sudden I feel someone grabbing my arm. It's Munch. I start screaming. "No! No!" I try to fight him but when I also feel arms around me I give up. I just let everything go and feel my body falling into the arms around me, Elliot's arms. He places my head to his chest and holds me while I cry.

"It's going to be okay Liv, I'll help you, I won't leave you alone."

After ten minutes of crying. I decide it has been enough. I sit up and wipe my tears away. I look at Elliot.

"Thank you."

He helps me stand up.

"I'll take you home."

I just nod and walk with him to his car. Cragen, Fin and Munch have already returned to the precinct. In the car we don't speak, but that's fine. Elliot follows me to my apartment. When we're standing in front of my door I turn around and look at him.

"Thank you." I say once again.

"I'm not going to leave you Liv."

I don't understand him.

"You think I'm letting you be alone now. No, I'll stay. If you don't mind."

"Eeh, no, it's okay, come in." As I enter my apartment I immediately stop walking as I see the mess I've made the last couple of days. Everywhere is broken glass and everywhere on the floor there are torn apart pictures. I feel Elliot's hand on my shoulder.

"I can take you to my house, if you want to."

"No, I couldn't do that."

"It's no problem. Kathy will understand."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, let's get some clothes."


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia p.o.v.

We're standing in front of Elliot's house. He unlocks the door.

"Don't worry, Kathy is not home yet." He walks me to a bedroom. "You can sleep here." He drops my bags on the bed. I nod.

"Thank you."

He smiles at me. "Shall I help you unpack your clothes?"

"I don't know if this is such a good idea El."

"Stop worrying Liv, I want to help you, and Kathy has nothing to say about it." I smile as he starts unpacking my clothes. I help him. When we've finished unpacking we decide to go out and lunch somewhere. We decide to go to a place nearby the precinct. As we walk to the place I notice which street we're turning in.

"Elliot can't we take another route?"

"Why, this is the shortest one." I immediately stop walking as we're about to walk past the alley. "What are you doing?" Elliot asks me.

"I... Can we please take another route?" He walks over to me and places his hand on my cheek.

"Why do you want to walk another route Liv?" I sighed deeply.

"I just can't walk past that alley." And then he finally seemed to know what I meant. He looks at me with a sense of pity in his eyes.

"It's okay, we'll take another route." He puts his arm around me and we take another route. While we're lunching we don't talk a lot. Then Elliot placed his hand on mine.

"You know you can tell me everything, right?"

"I know, but I just don't want to talk about it right now."

"I know, just so you know I'll always be there for you."

"Thank you so much El, for everything."

After lunch we walk back to Elliot's place. Kathy's car is in the driveway. Elliot squeezes my hand as he opens the door.

"Kathy, I'm home."

"Hey, I'm in the kitchen."

I follow Elliot as he walks to the kitchen.

"Kathy we need to talk." He says. Kathy turns around to look at him when she sees me standing behind him.

"What is she doing here?" I can see the fire in her eyes but the fire disappears as soon as she notices the bruises.

"What happened?"

"Olivia will be staying for a while." She can see in Elliot's eyes that it's serious.

"Okay, I'll go and make us all a cup of tea." A few moments later we sit in silence at the kitchen table.

"So... What happened?" Kathy asks. Elliot looks at me with a reassuring look.

"I...eehm...I was raped." The tears immediately start flowing again.

"Oh god." Kathy gets up from her seat and sits down next to me as she gives me a hug.

"I'm so sorry Olivia."

I wipe my tears. "It's okay, you can't help it."

Then she looks at Elliot. "Elliot and I have something to tell you too."

I look at Elliot.

"We are getting a divorce."

I'm shocked. "What? Why?"

"We both fell in love with someone else." Kathy says to me.

"We haven't been happy together for a long time so we decided to get a divorce." Elliot tells me.

"What about the kids, do they know already?"

"Yeah we told them yesterday, they said they had already seen it coming."

Then Kathy interrupts him. "Talking about the kids, can you pick them up."

"Yes. Would you like to come with me." He asks me.

"Yes, I would love to, I haven't seen them in such a long time."

"Then I'll get dinner ready." So Kathy starts cooking and me and Elliot are going to pick up the kids.

"So who are you in love with?" I ask as we're driving to the kids their school.

"Ah, just someone, you don't know her."

"Okay."

I was hoping he was in love with me, but of course he's not. Who would be in love with someone like me. Then we arrive at the school. The kids are already waiting. As we get out of the car Eli immediately comes running to me.

"Livvi!" I kneel down so he can hug me.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a long time."

"I missed you Livvi."

"I missed you to." Then he looks at my bruises.

"Why do you have al these bruises Livvi?"

"I...I fell down the stairs."

"Did it hurt?"

"No, it's alright."

Then after I greeted the other kids we drive off. In the mirror I can see the other kids checking out my bruises.

"How did you get these bruises Olivia?" Kathleen asks me.

"I fell down the stairs, nothing serious."

Luckily they don't ask anymore questions about it.

"Why are you picking us up by the way?" Maureen asks.

"Olivia will be staying for a while." Elliot tells them before I can say anything. Then they're silent.

When we arrive at Elliot's place I help Eli get out of the car. When we walk in I can smell the smell of spaghetti. I love spaghetti. The kids all greet Kathy and then go their separate ways. The girls are going upstairs and Dickie and Eli are watching TV. Then Elliot taps me on the shoulder.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yes sure." I walk with him to a little bench in their garden. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Are you going to press charges? Because I think you should, that bastard who did this to you belongs in jail."

"Yes, I'll press charges but I'm just not ready yet."

"Alright." He smiles at me. "You scared the hell out of me this morning."

I immediately feel guilty. "I'm sorry."

"I don't know what I would have done Liv, if you had pulled the trigger." I see tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." I say as I hug him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Olivia p.o.v.  
**

During dinner it's quite. After dinner I help Kathy with the dishes. Then I go and sit at the kitchen table again. Elliot is watching TV with all the kids.

"I'm going to sit with them okay?" Kathy says as she walks towards the living room.

"Yeah sure."

I watch the whole family sit together. I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. I don't belong here. I feel useless again. I'm just a burden to everyone. I don't even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly I see everything happening again, the man dragging me into the alley. Knocking me to the ground. And then the rape. I see everything happen again. Then I'm back in the kitchen. I feel that I'm starting to hyperventilate. I'm panicking. I have to get out of here. I get up and because of my sudden move the chair falls. I immediately see Elliot and Kathy looking my way. I run out of the kitchen door into the backyard. I try to remain calm but I can't breathe. Then I hear the kitchen door opening and closing.

"Liv, you okay?"

I hear Elliot's voice. I turn around so I see his face. He notices I'm hyperventilating. He walks over to me.

"Just sit down for a sec okay. I'll be right back."

He runs into the house and in just a couple of seconds he returns with a paper bag in his hand. He sits down next to me and places it over my mouth and nose. After a little while I start breathing normal again. He removes the bag.

"What happened?"

"I saw everything again."

He puts his arm around me pulling me closer. "He's not gonna hurt you anymore Liv. I'll protect you. You're safe with me."

"Elliot you can't always be there for me."

"Why not?"

"What about the woman you fell in love with. You're going to be spending a lot of time with her and your kids. I'm just your partner El."

"You're more to me than just my partner Liv, you're my best friend. And the woman I fell in love with, it's you. I fell in love with you. I hope this won't ruin our friendship cause I don't want to lose you. You mean everything to me."

I stay silent for a while. He's in love with me. He feels the same about me as I feel about him. I don't know what to say.

"El.. I..."

Just as I'm about to say that I love him to I see Kathy coming out the kitchen door. Elliot turns around and sees it to.

"Are you okay?" Kathy asks me.

"Yes."

I look at Elliot and see he's desperate for an answer but I can't tell him with Kathy standing there.

"Forget what I said."

Elliot gets up and walks into the house. I feel tears in my eyes again. I've hurt him. Kathy goes after Elliot and I'm left alone on the bench, crying my eyes out. I look up at the stars. _Mom, what did I do? Why do I do everything wrong? I love him, I just... I just couldn't say that while Kathy was standing there. Now he thinks I don't love him. I'm messing everything up mom. Help me please...please._

"Please."

I wipe my tears away and go into the house. I walk trough the living room, where the whole family is, and walk to the room Elliot said I could sleep in. I'm grab my suitcase and start putting my clothes in there. Now way I'm staying here tonight. I grab a piece of paper and write a small note for Elliot. Then I open the window. I throw my suitcase out and then I climb out. I didn't want to face Elliot after what happened. I walked down the street as I saw a cab. I hailed the cab and got in. I give him the name of the street I want to go to and we drive off.

 **Elliot p.o.v.  
**

I can't stop thinking about Olivia. But I can't face her after what happened. I should never have said that I loved her.

"Kathy? Could you please do something for me?"

"Yes of course, what it it?"

"Can you just check on Olivia real quick?"

"Yes of course."

She smiles at me as she gets up. I get confused as she returns within seconds with a note in her hand.

"She's gone Elliot." She hands me the note.

 _Dear Elliot, I couldn't stay here, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you when I didn't answer you. The truth is, I love you to. I've loved you for a long time. I just couldn't say it with Kathy standing there. I'm going away for a while, don't worry, I'll be back. I love you El. Forever yours. Liv._

I sit back down on the couch.

"What's wrong dad?" Kathleen asks.

"Olivia's gone."

Eli sits down next to me. "Doesn't she love us anymore daddy?"

"O honney, she loves you guys very much."

"Then why did she leave, I thought she was going to stay for a while?" Dickie looks at me.

Then Maureen gets up. "What did you do dad? I know that look you did something."

I feel a tear running down my cheek and Kathy her hand rubbing my back.

"What did you do Elliot?"

"I told her I'm in love with her." I almost whisper.

"Then why is she gone?" Kathleen asks. "Doesn't she love you?"

"When I told her, she didn't respond. I just assumed she didn't feel the same about me. But she does. She thinks she hurt me." I immediately get up and put my coat on.

"Where are you going Elliot?" Kathy asks.

"I'm going to the precinct, I think she's there. She's depressed Kathy, maybe she'll hurt herself. I need to find her."

"Elliot, she wrote she'll be back and when she says that she means it. She'll be back. She probably just needs some time." I know she's right. "And if you haven't heard from her tomorrow we'll go and look for her okay?"

I sigh. "Okay." I take my coat of and sit back down on the couch. All the kids are staring at me.

"Dad, why is she depressed?" Dickie asks.

Just now I realise the kids don't know about anythin and they have heard the whole conversation.

"I can't tell you that. She'll tell you when she's ready."

Then I decide it's time to go to bed. It has been an extremely long day. I'm falling asleep with Olivia still on my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Olivia p.o.v.**

I stand in front of the door, Fin's door, doubting whether I should do this or just go back to Elliot. I decide this is my best option. After just a few seconds he opens the door. He looks shocked.

"Liv, what are you doing here? Are you okay?"

Then I just start crying I can't say anything. He pulls me into a hug.

"It's alright baby girl, you want to come in?"

I nod. He leads me to the living room. We both sit down on the couch.

"Talk to me Liv, what happened?"

"I needed to get out of there." I sob a little.

Fin pulls me closer to him.

"Do you want to stay the night?"

I nod. "But I understand if you don't want me here."

"You're always welcome Olivia. Don't ever think I don't want you to come over. You're like a sister to me."

I hug him. "Thank you."

"So, are you going to tell me what happened? I thought you were going to stay at Elliot's." "I was. I had a flashback, so I walked into the garden to calm down. Elliot followed me. He said he would always be there for me, I told him he couldn't because I knew he was in love with another woman. But then he told me I was the other woman, that he was in love with me."

"But Liv, that's great, I know you love him to. So what's the problem?"

"I was going to tell him I loved him too but then Kathy stood there. I couldn't say it while she was standing there. And then het said that I had to forget what he had said and he left. I hurt him Fin. The only thing I do is hurt people."

"Liv, you have to tell him you love him too."

"I did, I left a note."

"Does he know you're here?"

"No."

"Liv, you have to call him. I'm sure he's incredibly worried about you."

"Okay, I'll give him a call." I say but I don't grab my phone yet.

"Liv, you need to call him NOW! I'll leave you alone for a sec."

I hesitate when I grab my phone but I know I have to do this. I dial Elliot's number and wait for him to answer.

 _"Kathy Stabler."_

"Kathy, it's Olivia. Is Elliot there?"

 _"He is, but he's asleep. Where are you Olivia? I Elliot's extremely worried."_

"Do you think you could wake him up? It's important."

" _Olivia I think you should come over if you want to talk to him. I'm not going to wake him up."_

"Okay, I'll call again tomorrow then."

" _I think it's better for everyone if you just go on with your live and leave my family alone. I know what happened to you Olivia and I'm very sorry but I'm not going to let you destroy my family."_

I don't know what to say and then the line goes dead. She hung up. I think about the things she said. The worst part is that they are true. If I return to Elliot I'll have an influence on the whole family. I'm not going to drag them down to because of my problems. She's right. Then Fin returns.

"Did you call him?"

I nod.

"What did he say?"

"He didn't say anything. Kathy answered the phone. Elliot was asleep. She told me to go on with my live and to leave her family alone."

"You shouldn't listen to her Liv."

"Yes, I have to. This time she's right. I should move on." And with these words I get up. I'm going to get my life back.

"Olivia, where are you going?"

"I'm going to my apartment, I'm going to get my life back."

"Okay, I'll take you there and you call me if you need anything."

"Yes, I will. Thank you."

Fin just dropped me of at my apartment. I'm standing in front of my door and open it. As I walk in I immediately start cleaning. Everything is cleaned again as the sun starts to rise. I decide some sleep would be good. I fall asleep very quickly. About three hours I wake up to my phone ringing.

"Benson."

" _Thank god Olivia, are you alright?"_ I hear Fin's voice.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just trying to get some sleep."

" _I calles three times already… I was worried."_

"I'm fine. I suppose Cragen already knows I won't be coming to work today?"

" _Yes, do you want me to hand the phone to him?"_

"Yeah, thanks."

" _Olivia?"_

"Hey Cap."

" _How are you doing?"_

"I'm coping, I think."

" _Fin told me what happened yesterday. I want you to take all the time you need, take at least three weeks alright?"_

"Alright, thanks cap."

" _I hope you get better soon Olivia. I also wanted to talk to you about whether you are going to press charges or not."_

"I am. But as you know, I showered. So we don't have any forensic evidence."

" _If you just give us your statement we'll see what we can do."_

"Alright, when can I come?"

" _As soon as you're ready."_

"I guess I'll see you in about an hour then."

" _Alright, I'll see you then."_

With these words I hang up. I take a quick shower and then I get dressed. I take a look at myself in the mirror. There are still some bruises but they are starting to fade. All of the sudden I feel like I want to cry, but I'm able to keep it inside. I put on a smile and make my way to the precinct. As I walk in I'm immediately spotted by Fin and Much.

"Olivia, good to see you, what are you doing here?"

"I came to give my statement." I look around but I don't see Elliot anywhere. I don't know whether I should be happy about that or not.

"Are you sure you are ready to give your statement?" Munch asks.

"Yes I am. I need to do this now."

"Okay, do you want us to take your statement or…."

"Is Elliot here?" I asked before I even knew it myself.

"I'm here." I turn around as I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look right in his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

"We need to talk Olivia" He says. I just nod and follow him to the cribs.

I don't quite know what to say. I want to say so much but I don't know where to start. Just as I'm about to speak up he starts talking.

"I'm sorry about yesterday Olivia, I thought you didn't feel the same about me. I thought that I had made the biggest mistake in my life by telling you. I was so worried when you were gone, where did you go?"

"I'm sorry too, I couldn't say it with Kathy standing there. But you have to know I do love you. After I left I went to Fin, we talked and then I went to my apartment."

He walks over to me and places his hands around my thighs and pulls me closer to him. "Come home with me?" He whispers in my ear. I really want to say yes but then I think about what Kathy said.

"I can't Elliot."

He looks at me, quite confused. "Why not? I thought you loved me."

"I do. I'm just not ready for this Elliot." I hate to lie to him but I have to, I don't want to destroy his family.

"Liv, I want to help you. You can't get over this by yourself."

"Yes I can." I move away from him. "I have to go give my statement." And with these words I leave him in the cribs. I feel tears coming up but I can keep it in.

I walk towards Fin. "I'm ready."

He looks at me slightly confused. "You want me to take your statement?"

"Yes, can we do this quickly? I want to get out of here."

"Yeah, sure."

He walks with me to an empty interrogation room. I sit down and so does he.

"Tell me everything you remember Olivia." I nod.

"I was walking home from work when all of the sudden I was dragged into an alley. He pushed me up against the wall. He said that if I didn't do what he wanted he would kill everyone who even knows me. Then he ripped off my coat and shirt. He threw me to the ground and he pinned my arms to the ground as he started kissing me. I tried to kick him but he was to strong. I was fighting him and then he hit me a couple of times. I was so dizzy, I couldn't fight him anymore. He pulled off my pants and my panties and he raped me. Then he began kicking me and punching me everywhere. I tried to get him off me but I couldn't. And then he just walked away as if nothing had happened. After a few minutes I was able to put my clothes back on, I just went to my apartment and took a shower. I felt so dirty."

The tears are streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks as I start sobbing. Fin walks over to me to hug me but I push him away and walk towards the wall. "Don't touch me!" I start getting trouble breathing. I let myself drop to the floor and cry.

 _ **Elliot's p.o.v.**_

I watched everything from behind the window. I decide it has been enough and walk into the interrogation room. I walk straight towards Olivia. I sit down next to her and pull her onto my lap. She's sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm here Liv, it's okay to cry. I'm right here with you."

After a few minutes she calms down. She looks into my eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She pulls away from my lap and gets up, so do I.

"I'm going to go to my apartment. I'll talk to you later El."

I don't even have the chance to say anything to her because she already left the interrogation room. I decide I'm taking the rest of the day off and go home.

As I come home Kathy is in the kitchen. The children are in school. Kathy looks confused as she sees me. "What are you doing home so early? Did something happen?"

I sit down at the kitchen table. "Olivia gave her statement about the rape. She broke down. She didn't want to come home with me. I'm just so worried about her."

"Well, I'm glad to hear she has finally listened to me."

"What do you mean?" I have no idea what she is talking about.

"Last night, she called to talk to you but you were asleep. I told her she should move on with her life and stop ruining our family."

"You did what?!" I can't keep my anger inside.

"I told her the truth Elliot. I found an apartment and I'll be moving this afternoon. You can have the kids, I don't want them."

"Excuse me?! You're just leaving the kids? They need a mother! And Olivia is not the one ruining our family, you are Kathy!"

"Well if you think about it that way, I better leave now." I watch her as she grabs her stuff and walks towards the front door. "Bye Elliot. Good luck with the kids and your suicidal girlfriend."

I slam the door right behind her back. I can't believe she said those things about the kids, and about Olivia. I look at the clock. It is time to pick up the kids. I walk to my car and drive to their school. I only have to wait for five minutes before they come out.

"Hey dad!" All the kids scream.

"Hey guys." They all get in the car and so do I.

"Daddy? Is Livvi already back?" Eli asks,

"She's at her own home Eli, but if you want to we can go and visit her." After what Kathy told me I already wanted to talk to her so this was the perfect opportunity.

"Yeah!" I hear all the kids yell from the backseat, and just like that we are on our way to Liv's apartment. I hope she wants to talk to me.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia's p.o.v.

I'm in my apartment, I'm so ashamed about what happened today. I totally broke down in front of Fin. I've never felt so weak before, but I have to be strong. I'm going to get my life back and the old Olivia didn't cry, so I won't. I'm strong. Then I hear my phone ringing. I look at the caller ID, it says Casey. I haven't talked to her in such a long time. I quickly answer the phone.

"Olivia."

" _Hey Olivia, it's Casey. We haven't talked in a long time. I was wondering if you would like to grab a drink somewhere?"_

"Hey Casey, I would love to grab a drink. Tell me where and what time."

" _What do you think about John's, in about an hour?"_

"Sounds good to me, see you then."

" _See ya."_

I throw my phone on the table and get up. I have to get ready. After I've spend ten minutes in my bathroom I'm already ready to go. Just as I'm about to sit down I hear a knock on my door. I walk towards the door and open it to see Elliot and his kids.

"Elliot what are you doing here?" I ask.

"We came here to see you Livvi." Eli answers.

"Eeh, come in."

The children walk into my apartment but Elliot isn't moving.

"Are you coming in?" I ask him.

All of the sudden he pulls me into a hug. I didn't see this coming. I try to move away but he only tightens his grip on me. And then I just hug him back. It feels so good having his arms around me. My vision becomes blurry from my tears. Elliot pulls away and looks me in the eyes, he grabs my hand.

"It's going to be okay Liv, we are going to do this together."

"I don't want to ruin your family Elliot. I just make everyone feel miserable."

Elliot is just about to speak up as I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to see Kathleen standing there. I forgot the kids were here for a sec.

"Olivia, I don't know what exactly happened to you but I hate seeing you so sad. You're like a mother to all of us, we want to help you too. And I don't know why you think you would ruin our family but I know you could never ruin it. Dad loves you, we love you, let us help you please."

I am so touched by her words, I never knew the saw me as a second mother. I just feel so loved all of the sudden.

"Oh, Kathleen. I love you guys too." I hug her. In no time all the kids are hugging me. As the kids let go Elliot puts his arms around me from behind me.

"I'll always be there for you Liv" He starts kissing my neck.

"Elliot, what about Kathy?"

"This is not about her Liv, this is about us. Kathy has nothing to do with us." He lets go of me and closes the door. The kids sit down on the couch. He takes my hand in his. "We need to talk Liv."

"Yeah, we do."

We both grab a chair and sit down. I don't know what to say. Should I start the conversation? But hen Elliot speaks up.

"We need to discuss some things." He looks at the kids. "Kathy left."

I don't know what I'm hearing, she really left.

"We both signed the divorce papers. She found a new apartment and left just about an hour ago."

I look at the kids, they look confused.

"Who are we going to be living with?" Lizzie asks.

" With me." Elliot says.

"She didn't want anything to do with us, did she?" Maureen asks.

Elliot nods. "She told me I could have you, and I'm very happy to have you guys."

The kids all hug Elliot and then he looks at me. He walks over to me and takes my hand.

"Olivia, I love you so much, will you please let me take care of you?"

"Yes." I hug him. I love this man so much. "I love you too." I say.

"Let's go home then." Elliot says.

Just as we are about to leave my apartment I remember I was going for a drink with Casey.

"Elliot, I was going to grab a drink with Casey. I'll come to your place after that okay?"

"Yeah sure. I'll be waiting for you." He quickly kisses my cheek and then takes off with the kids. I get in my car and drive to John's. When I arrive Casey is already there. I sit down next to her.

"Hey Olivia, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too." We hug each other and we both order a drink.

"So tell me, how are you doing?"

"I'm alright now, it's just that so much has happened and I'm so confused."

"Eeh, I've heard some things. Is it true you were raped and you tried to commit suicide?" She places her hand on my hand.

"Yeah, it's true. I don't know what I was doing. I just didn't want to be here anymore. But I'm going to be staying at Elliot's for a while. I'll be okay."

"That's good, just know I'll always be there for you when you need me okay?"

"Okay." The rest of the evening we talk about a lot of things. When it's almost half past twelve I decide it's time to leave. I say goodbye to Casey and get in my car. Ten minutes later I park my car in front of Elliot's house, the lights are still on, wich means he is waiting for me. I get out of the car and walk towards the door. Just as I'm about to knock on it he opens the door.

"Hi."

"Hi." He smiles and I follow him into the house.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asks me.

"No thanks, I think I'm going to try and get some sleep if you don't mind."

"No, of course. I think I'm going to bed too." He walks towards me and hugs me. "I'm going to make sure everything is going to be alright Liv, I promise."

"I know, thank you." He kisses my head. "I'm going to bed now though, I'm exhausted."

"Okay, you know where the guest room is. If you need me you know where to find me."

"Yeah, night El." I kiss him on the cheek and then I'm going upstairs towards the guest room.

"Night Liv." I hear Elliot saying.

When I walk into the guest room I see that my clothes are already in the closet and my pajamas are laying on my bed. I quickly chance into my pajamas and then I lay down on the bed. I can hear Elliot walking towards his room and then I fall asleep.


	7. chapter 7

**Olivia p.o.v.**

In the middle of the night I wake up, I just had a nightmare and I relived the rape all over again. I decide to go to the kitchen and get some water. I try to make as less noise as I can. I grab a glass of water and sit down on the couch in the living room. After a little more than a minute I hear someone walking down the stairs.

"Daddy?" I hear someone asking as he comes into the room. I immediately recognize the voice as Eli's.

"No Eli it's me Livvi."

He sits down next to me on the couch. "Why are you not sleeping?" He asks with a sleepy voice.

"I just couldn't sleep. Why are you not in bed?" I ask.

"I heard someone go downstairs and I couldn't sleep either."

"Do you think it would help if I tucked you in?" I asked him.

A huge smile appeared on his face and he nodded.

"Okay come on." I picked him up and he laid his head on my shoulder. I brought him to his room and put him in bed I put the covers over him and kissed him on his forehead.

"Night Eli." I get up to leave but he stops me. "Livvi? Can I ask you a question?" "Of course you can." I sit back down.

"Why are you sad? I don't like it when you're sad." I swallow the lump in my throat. I did not expect this question. "Sometimes things happen that make people sad, but I'm going to try to get happy again okay?"

He nods. "I love you Livvi."

"I love you to Eli." I say to him and then I leave the room. I look at him one more time before I close the door and go to the guest room. I sit down on the bed and smile to myself. Eli is such a sweet boy. I just wish I had kids. That's one thing I always wanted. But like the adopting agency said, I'm not fit to be a mother. Still thinking about everything I fall asleep.

 _ **Elliot p.o.v.**_

I wake up the next morning due to Eli jumping on my bed.

"Daddy, daddy wake up! I'm hungry!"

"Hey Bud, I guess I'll have to feed you then."

A huge smile appears on his face as he jumps off the bed again to go downstairs. I put some sweats on and a t-shirt and then I go downstairs to. As I enter the living room I see all my kids sitting on the couch.

"Hey guys, why are you guys all up so early?"

"Sit down dad." Maureen says. "We have to talk to you about something."

I get a little nervous, they all have a serious look on their faces except for Eli who's too busy watching TV. I sit down in the armchair next to the couch and take a deep breath. "What's going on?" I ask them.

Kathleen takes a deep breath and starts talking. "We know something is wrong with Olivia, even though we don't know what exactly, and we know she's going through a hard time so we decided we wanted to surprise her if that's okay with you."

I'm surprised by their proposal but I think it would be a good idea to go out and have some fun. "What do you have in mind?" I ask.

"Well…"

They explain their whole plan to me and I agree with it. Now I have to go upstairs and wake Liv. The kids are making breakfast for their selves and Eli.

I stand in front of the guest room. I knock on the door softly. "Liv?" No response. "Liv?" Again no response. I open the door just a little so I can peek in. I see Liv laying on the bed, still sound asleep. I walk into the room and sit down on the bed. She stirs a bit but doesn't wake up. I touch her shoulder lightly. "Liv honey, it's time to wake up." Her eyes flutter open and I smile at her. "Good Morning." "Good morning." She answers groggily. "You should get dressed and get downstairs, the kids have a surprise for you." I tell her as I leave the room.

 _ **Olivia p.o.v.**_

A surprise? For me? What could that be? I wonder as I get out of bed to get dressed. When I'm ready to go I go downstairs. I smile when I walk into the living room. The kids and Elliot are laughing hysterically about something. It doesn't take long before they notice me. Maureen gets up. "Okay everyone, coats on, you know the plan." Then she grabs my hand and together we follow the rest. We both put our coats on too.

"Where are we going?" I ask. Elliot walks towards me while the kids get into the car already. "It's a surprise Liv, just let it happen." He says and then he gives me a kiss on my forehead. I immediately get a little warm inside. He then leads me to the car.

After half an hour of driving we stop at a gas station to get some drinks and something to eat. Then we go back to the car. I wonder where we are going but I don't ask anyone about it. I try to just enjoy the view and relax a bit. From the corner of my eye I see Elliot taking a quick glance at me and then he puts a hand on my thigh. I smile to myself, for the first time in more than a week I feel happy again.

Hello everyone,

Thank you all for reading my story. I'll try my best to update more regularly. I love to get reviews and comments from you guys!

X


	8. Chapter 8

_**Olivia p.o.v.**_

After another hour we drive into a small town. Something is familiar about it but I don't know what. But as Elliot parks the car in front of a house I recognize where we are. We're going to visit Elliot's mother, Bernie. I first met her when Kathleen was in trouble, she's such a lovely woman. She's like the mother I never had.

We all get out of the car. Elliot grabs my hand. "The kids thought it would be nice to spend the day away from home and they thought it was a nice idea to go visit their grandma. You don't mind do you?."

"I think it's a good idea to spend the day away from home and your mother is a lovely woman, of course I don't mind." I give him a quick kiss on his cheek.

He places his hand on the small of my back and we follow the kids to the front door. Eli knocks on the door excitedly and after a few seconds Bernie appears in the doorway. All the kids immediately attack her with hugs. "Oh my goodness, It's so good to see you all!" The kids let go of her and walk into the house. Then she turns to look at us.

"Oh Elliot, it's so good to see you again. Last time was three months ago!" "I know mom." Elliot says as he hugs his mother. "Some things have happened and the kids came up with the idea to come and visit you." "I'm so glad you're here!"

Then she looks at me. "Olivia, how nice to see you again." Bernie says as she hugs me. I just give in to the hug. It's such a motherly hug, a hug I've never had from my own mother, a hug that I've needed this last week. "How have you been dear?" She asks me. And now there's nothing more I can do to keep my tears from falling. In no time I'm sobbing. I feel Bernie's arms tighten around me. "O honey, what happened? It's okay." She tries to comfort me. She lets me cry for a little while until I pull back a little.

"Thank you." I say while wiping my tears away. "It's okay honey, do you want to tell me what's wrong?" She asks me. I take a look at Elliot who stands in the doorway. I see there are tears in his eyes too. "Shall we just go inside first?" I ask Bernie. "Of course dear." We walk towards Elliot. Then Bernie notices the tears in his eyes too. "Elliot dear, are you alright?" Elliot grabs my hand and squeezes it. "We will be alright mom. We'll explain it to you later okay. Let's just get inside and see what the kids are doing." Bernie agrees and we walk into the house to join the kids.

The kids are in the living room waiting for us. I try to hide a bit behind Elliot because I know my eyes are probably red from crying. "I'll get you guys some drinks." Bernie says as she walks off to the kitchen. "I'll help her." I say to Elliot. "Okay." He says and he gives me a kiss on my forehead.

 _ **Elliot p.o.v.**_

I watch Olivia walk into the kitchen. I hate to see her so upset but I knew that it wouldn't be long before she'd have to let things out. I'm so lost in my thoughts I don't even notice the kids all staring at me until I feel someone tug my pants, I look down to see my youngest son staring up at me. "Daddy? Doesn't Livvi like our surprise?" He asks me with sad eyes. I kneel down. "She loves your surprise bud, why do you think she doesn't?" I ask him. "Because she's still sad daddy. I don't want Livvi to be sad." He tells me with tears in his eyes.

I pull him into a hug and just a few seconds later all my other kids are with us on the floor and we're in a group hug. Just then Olivia and my mom come through the door with the drinks. "Well isn't this cute." She says happily, but then she sees Eli's tears. She walks over to us while we get up from the floor. "Hey little guy, what's wrong?" She asks him. "I don't want Livvi to be sad." He sobs and then he runs to Liv to hug her.

 _ **Olivia p.o.v.**_

I hug Eli as he sobs into my shoulder, I feel so guilty for making him sad. "It's okay buddy, it's all going to be okay." Then it's Maureen who speaks up. "Liv, I know something really bad must have happened and we understand you're going through a hard time, we really want to help you but we can't do that if we don't know what's wrong. Will you please tell us?" All the kids are staring at me with sad eyes and so is Bernie. I put Eli down and together we walk to the couch. As we sit down the others sit down to and look at me expectantly. "Only if you're ready Liv." Elliot says to me as he sits down next to me. "They need to know." I tell him.

"So… About a week ago I was walking home from work when all of the sudden I was dragged into an alley. I was raped." They all gasped but I just continued. "After her was done I just went home and showered. I stayed home sick four days and then I made the decision to end it. So I went to the precinct to say my goodbyes but it didn't go as planned, I broke down in front of everyone and then I ran out of the building to the nearest river. I put the gun to my head and I was ready to do it but then Munch grabbed me from behind and he pulled the gun out of my hands. Then your father took me home with you guys and the rest you know." I'm relieved now that I finally told them everything.

They all hug me one by one and whisper sweet comforting words in my ear. And then Eli looks up at me. "Livvi?" "Yes Eli." "You don't have to be scared or sad anymore, I will protect you." This makes my heart melt, I feel incredibly loved.


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia p.o.v.

We spent the whole day at Bernie's place. The morning was very hard on me because I told the kids and Bernie what happened to me. The afternoon was great, we spend the whole afternoon on the beach, just relaxing. I noticed that all of the kids were keeping an eye on me the whole afternoon, even little Eli.

I found it quite hard to tell everything today but I'm glad the kids know now. I think I can do this, I think I can win this battle. I'm in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about today and for the first time in the past weeks I feel kind of happy. And with that thought I go to sleep.

 _If you don't do what I tell you I'll kill everyone you love. No.. no please…. I feel him touching me, everywhere, kissing me. And then it happens, he rapes me. I try to fight him off of me the best that I can but it isn't helping at all._

Elliot p.o.v.

I wake up to Lizzie calling my name and trying to wake me up. "Liz, what's wrong?" I pull her closer towards me but she pulls away. "I'm fine dad, it's Olivia. I had to go to the bathroom but when I walked past the guestroom she was tossing and turning. I tried to wake her up but she wouldn't wake up." I get out of bed and tell Lizzie to go back to bed while I go to the guestroom.

When I walk into the guestroom I see that Olivia is still tossing and turning. I grab her shoulders and shake her a little bit. "Liv, wake up. You're safe. I'm here." She opens her eyes and looks panicked at first but when she sees it's me she relaxes a bit.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

She nods. "Just a nightmare."

"You know you can talk to me right?" I ask her.

"I know." She gives me a small smile.

I get up to leave but she keeps hold of my hand.

"Stay, please?"

I nod and lay down next to her in bed. It doesn't take long before she falls back to sleep.

The next morning I wake early. The kids have school again today and I have to call Cragen about work.

I try to get out of bed without waking Olivia but my mission fails.

"Where are you going?" She asks me.

"I'm going to get the kids ready for school, and then I am going to call Cragen. I don't know whether he is expecting me to come in to work today or not."

"I hope not, I want you here with me today."

"I want to be home with you all day too honey, but I can't promise anything." I say. And then I lean in to kiss her. I'm not used to calling her baby or honey and being able to kiss her yet.

Olivia p.o.v.

After he kisses me he leaves the room to get the kids ready for school. I decide to help him and I get out of bed too. I get dressed and walk downstairs.

As I walk in to the kitchen I see Elliot and all the kids eating breakfast by the kitchen table.

"Livvi!" Eli yells as soon as he sees me.

I sit down next to Elliot and grab a pancake. "Smells good!" I say before I take a bite.

While everyone is eating their breakfast I notice Lizzie is very quiet this morning. I'll ask her about it after breakfast. I'm so lost in my own thoughts I don't even notice when everyone starts clearing the table until Elliot puts his hand on my back. "Are you okay?" He asks me.

"Yeah, just zoned out a bit." I reply and then I help them clear the rest of the table. The kids finish getting ready while Elliot calls Cragen.

I know they're looking for the one who did this to me, I try to think of anything else I can remember but nothing comes up. But then I think about the clothes I was wearing when it happened, I haven't washed them yet. There could be DNA on them. I'll go to my apartment today to get them and take them to Melinda.

In the main time the kids have finished getting ready for school and Elliot has finished his call.

"I'm sorry Liv, I have to come in today and help with your case."

"It's okay. I have to go to the precinct myself. I just realized I still have the clothes I wore when it happened. There could be DNA on them."

"Okay, We'll take the kids to school and then take a quick stop at your apartment to collect the clothes."

Soon we're all in the car. Then I remember I had to ask Lizzie if she is okay. I'll do it when she gets home this afternoon.

We drop the kids of at school and then we go to my apartment. "Do you want me to come with you?" Elliot ask. I shake my head. "No, it's okay. I'll be right back."

As I go into my apartment to grab the clothes I am aware of the fact that I don't feel safe in my own apartment anymore. I think it's best to just sell the apartment. I grab my clothes and leave my apartment. I feel disgusted holding the clothes that man has touched. As fast as I can I go back downstairs. I throw the clothes onto the backseat and get in the car. We ride towards the precinct.

We get out of the car and walk inside together. I have to go to Melinda's office and Elliot has to go to the squadroom. "I'll try to be home as soon as possible. Will you be okay?" Elliot asks. "Yeah, I'll be okay." "Okay, call me if you need anything." "I will." He gives me a kiss and heads towards the elevator.

I knock on the door of Melinda's office. She tells me to come in. "Olivia, how are you?" She asks.

"I'm alright. I think I may have some new evidence. I still haven't washed the clothes I wore when he raped me. Do you think you could get his DNA from it?"

"I'm sure I'll find something, but I can't promise it will be useful. Some time has passed since it happened, a lott of people could've touched these clothes in the last few days. But I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Melinda."

We say our goodbyes and I walk out of the precinct. I'm trying to get a cab when my phone rings.

"Benson." I answer.

"I know you told the police. I'm going to have to punish you now. Say goodbye to your loved ones Olivia. You shouldn't have told."


	10. Chapter 10

He knows. He knows I told the squad an Elliot and the kids. I start to breathe faster and I can feel myself losing control of my emotions. He's going to kill them. He's going to kill them all.

I run back into the precinct and take the stairs to the squadroom. As soon as I run in Elliot notices the distress I am in and comes running to me. So does the rest of the squad.

"Liv, baby, what's wrong? What happened?"

"He knows El. He knows I told you." I sob.

"Liv, calm down honey. Why do you think he knows?"

I brush away the tears from my eyes and grab my phone. "He just called me like five minutes ago. He said I shouldn't have told and that I had to say goodbye to my loved ones. I can't lose you El. Oh god the kids!" I start crying again.

"He's not going to touch anyone of us Liv. We'll get him. Fin can you trace the phone call?" Elliot asks while handing my phone to Fin. Fin nods and takes the phone.

"Elliot. I think it's a good idea if we get your kids out of school right now and bring them over here. Just to be sure." Cragen suggests. Elliot agrees.

Munch and Cragen go to the kids their schools to pick them up. While Elliot and I stay at the squadroom with Fin.

It doesn't take long for Fin to trace the phone call. "It can't be. But it is." Fin looks at us with a shocked face. "He called from this building. He called from the precinct."

I immediately feel the fear coming up again. "He's a cop?!" I ask out loud.

"We can't be sure. It could have been someone who said they wanted to make a statement or something. I'll go down to security to get the surveillance tapes of the entrance." Fin says as he goes downstairs to get the surveillance tapes.

"Elliot if he really is in this building the kids can't come here." I say.

Elliot nods. "You're right I'll call Captain and ask if he can take them to Kathy's place or something."

When Elliot steps away to call Cragen I'm alone in the squadroom. All of the sudden I get so angry. Why do I let this person control me and my emotions so much? I need to find him and get him locked up for life. Elliot is in love with me, his children love me. If I can find him I'll be able to heal from all of this and live the life that I've wanted all my life.

I feel my strength flowing back into me and I know there is one thing I have to do now. Find the guy who did this to me and make him pay for it.

Elliot comes back into the squadroom and I see that he notices that my spirit has changed.

"I'm going to find the guy who did this and I'm going to make sure he goes to prison for life." I tell him.

He smiles at me. "It's good to see the old Liv coming back. And you're not alone in this Liv, we'll do this together. We're going to get him."

I lean in to kiss him. "I love you Elliot."

"I love you too Liv, so much."

Then Fin comes into the squadroom with the surveillance tapes from the entrance. He puts them in the computer and presses play. "Okay Liv, lets see if you recognize anyone on this that might be him."

I walk over to Fin with Elliot and we start watching the tapes. When we're half an hour into the tapes Munch and Cragen come to join us. "How are the kids doing?" I ask Cragen.

"They are a bit frightened but we convinced them they are save and there are some uniformed cops there to protect them if they see something suspicious." He answers. "Have you seen anything useful yet?" He asks.

"No, not yet." I say. We continue to watch the tapes.

We watch as a man comes in and shows his ID to the man from security. Then I notice the ring he is wearing. It's a gold ring with a green stone in it. All of the sudden I get a flashback to the night I was raped. When he dragged me into the alley I noticed his ring. And it's the exact same ring as the person on the surveillance tape is wearing.

I snap back to reality. "Stop the tape." I say. Everyone looks at me. "Go back about a minute." Fin does what I say and presses play again. "Stop!" I say when we are at the same image of the man showing his ID to the security guard.

"Do you recognize anything Liv?" Elliot asks. "Yes." I say. "The ring he is wearing. I remember that ring. The person who raped me was wearing that ring. I saw it when he dragged me into the alley. This must be him."

Fin zooms in on the ring. "Are you sure this is it Liv?" I look at him angrily. "Yes I'm sure Fin. Don't you trust me?" "I do Liv, I do. But if this is really him than we have a problem." He answers.

"The fact that he shows his ID to the security guard means that he is a cop and that he works in this building." Munch says.

"It's not just that." Cragen says with a concerned look on his face. "I know who it is." Everyone looks at him.

"Who is he?" I ask, feeling uneasiness in my stomach.

"His name is Jack Morrisson, Captain of the Missing persons squad." Cragen says.

My heart drops to the floor.


End file.
